Ashamed by my dismal posting record in recent months I offer a few thoughts.

* For all ex-teachers next week is (disgracefully) the best one of the year. You can call it schadenfreude but the feeling of relief that we are not going to face the hordes next week is almost a physical sensation.

* I help out in a critical midland marginal a few hours a week and will not believe the Conservative Party is on an election footing until they provide chocolate biscuits for their volunteers every day.

* The past summer has been great for my lawn.

* I bought a wide screen telly for the cricket and the rugby world cup. It makes Sharapova look like a front row forward for Wigan.

* This summer I discovered the correct grip for my forehand. I now need to regenerate like Dr Who so I can move about and actually get to the ball.

* Readers, if any, should now prepare themselves for my brilliant insights into the state of the Conservative Party as we build up for the election.